If you are a foreign man looking to date a China Chinese woman, it is better to understand the dating situation and Chinese culture to avoid frustration. Things you should know before dating a Chinese girl raised in China.

Why Chinese woman dating foreign men is a huge risk for her

Most traditional Chinese men will immediately eliminate a Chinese woman as a potential future spouse if he learnt that she had a former foreign boyfriend, even in the absence of sexual intercourse.

First of all Chinese men do not want Chinese woman who have lost her virginity. It means that he is seeing someone who is unpure “rejected goods” and represent a loss of face.  It is even worse if a Chinese girl have slept with a foreigner.

Most China Chinese men will not accept a Chinese woman’s past relationship with a foreigner. The reason is because Chinese men will find the girl has become too open minded and liberated for him to handle.

Chinese women who have dated foreign men will have to continue to date foreign men because they have been eliminated from the dating pool. Unless she kept it a secret from her friends and the relationship is not publicised, she will either remain single, marry a foreigner or an older Chinese man.

How a Chinese woman show her love

A typical Chinese girl, from an affluent family will act accordingly in public, she will give “face” to her future husband. That means when in social situations like family or friends gathering, she will not argue with him or yell back at him.

However back in the house, she is the boss. She will tell him what to eat and what to wear and he will have to listen to her. Please be advised that this is a very common and typical attitude among educated and middle-class Chinese women.

Some foreign men may be shocked at these type of controlling, domineering behavior.

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There are now many affluent Chinese single women who are willing to do whatever it takes, even going to Beijing singles club in a bid to avoid being term as one of China’s “Leftover Woman” status.

What is Leftover Chinese women?

The new social phenomenon which is unique to China, is one of China’s so-called “Sheng Nu” which literally translate to “Leftover Woman”

The term,”Leftover Woman” is derived from a phenomenon in Chinese society which affects hundreds of thousands of urban women who are highly educated and financially independent.

“Leftover Woman” appears in China’s official dictionary and refer to “all single woman above the age of 27″.

Why single Chinese women are desperate for dating

Many single Chinese women are desperate to meet a man before she hit the dreaded cut-off age. The reason is that Chinese men in China prefer Chinese woman who look youthful. Chinese men do not want a woman who is over 30 years old. It is important for them that she is still young and pretty.

Many single Chinese women are under societal pressure from her colleagues, parents and friends to get hitched before the dreadful cut off age. Compounded by China’s one-child population control policy, which adds to the desperation of parents for their only offspring to marry and produce a grandson.

A widely publicised survey of 180 million single men and women in China in 2010 by the government-backed All China Women’s Federation revealed that 92 percent of men surveyed says that a woman should be married before the age of 27 years old.

What are single Chinese woman dating standards?

The new generation of single Chinese women do not want to compromise when it comes to marriage. Many single Chinese women are well to do and live alone.

Singles Chinese women do not see the need to lower their standard and expectations in order to get married. That is why there are thousands of single Chinese women hoping to find a husband who can share things in common, but who is also in a better financial situation than her.

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If you are seeking a Chinese lady in China for dating, you have to understand what are the cultural courtship differences between Chinese dating culture and western standards.

As human beings, everyone of us is different, however we are social beings who tend to behave and fit into our own culture. Therefore it is important in a cross cultural relationship to understand the rules and etiquette about first dates, making out, marriage, social expectations.

Understanding Chinese culture

Almost all Chinese society is patriarchal. In a family with sons and daughters, ranking in the family is based on hierarchy: Males in order of descending age followed by females. For example, a 5-year-old son outranks his 35-year-old mother (and the father will let both the mother and son know this). Young women are at the bottom of the totem pole and they will be reminded constantly.

The one child policy in China has forced couple to favor male over female because a son can carry on the family surname. A newborn son has four doting grandparents and parents which give rise to phenomenon of spoiled brats nicknamed “Little Emperors”.

Influence of Chinese parents’ background

Attitudes toward sex, relationships will be generally more conservative and traditional. However it depends on the Chinese parents’ educational background, whether they are affluent or come from the countryside.

A Chinese woman in China maybe ultra conservative or liberal which depend on whether she will obey her parents rule or want to break free.

How to win over her Chinese parents

If you are already in a serious relationship with a Chinese girl, then you have to work hard to win over her parents. If you are not wealthy, then stereotypically her Chinese parents may not like their daughter dating a “gui lo” (white ghost) a Cantonese that describe a foreign white man.

The fact that you are a “gui lo” work against you in the first place. You have to tread carefully and play your chess right when you are meeting prospective parents-in-law.

Tips to win over her Chinese parents

Obedience and conforming to social rules is extremely important in Chinese families than in Western families. Chinese society is much more hierarchical and less egalitarian.

• Do not argue or talk back. “Saving face” is very important to a Chinese; which mean avoid embarrassing her parents in front of family members or friends
• Bring small gift such as exotic fruits, chocolate, premium chinese dried food (scallops, mushrooms, abalone) – when visiting  her parents’ house will win huge points with them
• Always be polite. Do not address her parents or elders by their first names like in the west

Money is a huge factor. Chinese parents will always respect money. Showing that you are a professional (doctor, lawyer, etc.) will win you big bonus points.

Be prepared to field a lot of questions about your parents including what they do, how you were brought up and your job. The better your job or more educated you are, the more they will like you.

Why divorce is unacceptable in Chinese society

If you are divorced, that’s a big strike against you. Chinese people dislike Westerners culture of letting their hormones run their lives, changing partners the way they would change clothes.

Chinese people view marriage as sacred and a couple will work out the marriage problems. One of the partner may even choose to suffer silently then resorting to the easy way of divorce.

In the west, divorce is common and westerners treat marriage like a lottery game with the mentality that you will not win on the first try. For the Chinese people, divorce is completely unthinkable and society despised those who are divorced.

If a Chinese woman is divorced, she will not get remarried easily. Chinese people treat a female divorcee as “discarded goods”, because divorce is the only the last resort they will choose.

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Due to China’s rapid economic growth and the soaring divorce rate over the past ten years, Chinese women in China dating and marital preferences have changed significantly.

What Chinese women want

Chinese girls are searching for stability and dependability in a future spouse. A partner who is committed to her for the long haul. Chinese girls want a man of good character and balanced temperament who is not going to cheat on them or leave them in 15 years for a younger woman as soon as he can afford to do so.

A man’s profession which translate into future earning potential and education are the first two information Chinese women would like to know before dating. Chinese girls would place profession and education as more important than physical appearance when it comes to dating and marriage.

The  importance of education is deeply ingrained in the cultural norm and the Chinese believe that a man should be better educated than his girlfriend or wife.

Chinese girls consider faithfulness, dependability and honesty more important than his sense of humor, kindness and romanticism.

How do Chinese girls express their interest in you

Physical displays of affection are relatively uncommon in conservative China. If a Chinese girl expresses verbal affection to you, eg, “I miss you,” or displays any physical intimacy eg, holding your hand, rubbing your shoulder, etc, you can safely assume that she already view you as her future husband.

A sure-fire way to confirm that A Chinese girl is quite serious about you is when you learnt that she has spoken to her mother about you. As a rule, Chinese girls will not discuss any man they are seeing (not even with their girlfriends) unless she have decided that this is the person she want to be with.

If you are not serious and does not have marriage in mind, it is advisable not meet her family. The reason is because if a Chinese girl invites you to meet her family, this symbolise a formal announcement of engagement in the West.

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Almost all young Chinese women prefer local native Chinese men for dating or marriage. Young Chinese girls would consider dating a foreigner if the right one came along. However their parents would never agree to their daughter dating or marrying a foreigner.  Cultural differences leading to problems and difficulty in communicating with each other are some reasons why Chinese girls still prefer dating Chinese men.

Which type of Chinese girls seek foreign men

For those Chinese women who are deemed by Chinese society as ‘expired’ (age 30 onwards) or ‘leftover’ (divorcee), foreign men provide an attractive alternative to these Chinese women who feel they are not highly desirable enough to attract Chinese men.

Women who are considered to be ugly or just mediocre in appearance by Chinese social standards : Chinese women with darker-toned skin and Chinese women of minority race.

There are huge differences between how westerners and Chinese perceived beauty and attractiveness. For example, Zhang Ziyi and Lucy Liu are popular and well-received in the west however people in China do not consider Zhang Ziyi and Lucy Liu as beautiful.

In fact they are look upon as ugly by Chinese standards of beauty. The reason is because Chinese men desire women with big round eyes, fair porcelain skin and long straight hair. Unlike western stereotypical preference for Asian women who are petite and with slanted eyes.

Why divorced Chinese women are seen as undesirable by Chinese society

Women who are divorced and the problem worsened if they have a child. Although times have changed, Chinese men still scoffed at Chinese women who are divorced.

The reason is because : Chinese believed that marriage is for life and they view marriage very seriously unlike in the west. Moreover Chinese men viewed divorced Chinese women with children as “leftover”, they do not want to carry the burden of raising children that are not their own.

The Chinese believed that whatever the difficulties the couple have encountered, the husband and wife must endure and work on their problems instead of choosing divorce as an easy way out. Instead of finding ironic and lame excuses like incompatibility ( if you are incompatible with your partner why marry him/her in the first place? you should quit during the dating process)

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