Chinese Courtship Etiquette

If you are seeking a Chinese lady in China for dating, you have to understand what are the cultural courtship differences between Chinese dating culture and western standards.

As human beings, everyone of us is different, however we are social beings who tend to behave and fit into our own culture. Therefore it is important in a cross cultural relationship to understand the rules and etiquette about first dates, making out, marriage, social expectations.

Understanding Chinese culture

Almost all Chinese society is patriarchal. In a family with sons and daughters, ranking in the family is based on hierarchy: Males in order of descending age followed by females. For example, a 5-year-old son outranks his 35-year-old mother (and the father will let both the mother and son know this). Young women are at the bottom of the totem pole and they will be reminded constantly.

The one child policy in China has forced couple to favor male over female because a son can carry on the family surname. A newborn son has four doting grandparents and parents which give rise to phenomenon of spoiled brats nicknamed “Little Emperors”.

Influence of Chinese parents’ background

Attitudes toward sex, relationships will be generally more conservative and traditional. However it depends on the Chinese parents’ educational background, whether they are affluent or come from the countryside.

A Chinese woman in China maybe ultra conservative or liberal which depend on whether she will obey her parents rule or want to break free.

How to win over her Chinese parents

If you are already in a serious relationship with a Chinese girl, then you have to work hard to win over her parents. If you are not wealthy, then stereotypically her Chinese parents may not like their daughter dating a “gui lo” (white ghost) a Cantonese that describe a foreign white man.

The fact that you are a “gui lo” work against you in the first place. You have to tread carefully and play your chess right when you are meeting prospective parents-in-law.

Tips to win over her Chinese parents

Obedience and conforming to social rules is extremely important in Chinese families than in Western families. Chinese society is much more hierarchical and less egalitarian.

  • Do not argue or talk back. “Saving face” is very important to a Chinese; which mean avoid embarrassing her parents in front of family members or friends
  • Bring small gift such as exotic fruits, chocolate, premium chinese dried food (scallops, mushrooms, abalone) – when visiting  her parents’ house will win huge points with them
  • Always be polite. Do not address her parents or elders by their first names like in the west

Money is a huge factor. Chinese parents will always respect money. Showing that you are a professional (doctor, lawyer, etc.) will win you big bonus points.

Be prepared to field a lot of questions about your parents including what they do, how you were brought up and your job. The better your job or more educated you are, the more they will like you.

Why divorce is unacceptable in Chinese society

If you are divorced, that’s a big strike against you. Chinese people dislike Westerners culture of letting their hormones run their lives, changing partners the way they would change clothes.

Chinese people view marriage as sacred and a couple will work out the marriage problems. One of the partner may even choose to suffer silently then resorting to the easy way of divorce.

In the west, divorce is common and westerners treat marriage like a lottery game with the mentality that you will not win on the first try. For the Chinese people, divorce is completely unthinkable and society despised those who are divorced.

If a Chinese woman is divorced, she will not get remarried easily. Chinese people treat a female divorcee as “discarded goods”, because divorce is the only the last resort they will choose.

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Difference between Thai Dating Culture and Western Dating

For those who are searching for serious Thai relationship advice, here are some of the pitfalls you can avoid.

The most important thing is first choose the correct place when searching for a real serious Thai dating relationship. Find the correct mountain to climb and you can find the pot of gold waiting for you. One way to find decent Thai ladies is to join the largest Thai online dating site: ThaiLoveLink below:

However if you like to frequent the Thai nightlife scene, tourist hotspots eg, pattaya, Phuket, Thai bars, Thai discos and expect to find a decent Thai lady, then you must be seriously mistaken.

Decent Thai mainstream women do not hang around these sleazy places waiting for men to pick them up. Only those in the sex trade are waiting to pounce on foreign white men who are ignorant and easily tempted by their captivating smiles and taut slender bodies.

Western dating perceptions

Some foreigners have the view that the best way to treat a woman is to play her without consideration or emotion and then toss her aside for the next. Such behavior has brought great shame to those foreigners who are living in Thailand.

If you have this mentality and do this kind of behavior in Thailand, you are bound to lose and be condemned as a ‘farang’ playboy. Word of mouth will spread among her Thailand girlfriends, and soon you will not be able to find any dating Thai partners unless you move to other Thai areas.

Thai girls casual sex

Casual sex is often acceptable and even expected in the West. If you have experienced casual sex in Thailand, then they must be Thai girls who are in the sex trade because they can afford to be so carefree about sex.

In the west, it is not unusual to kiss or being physically intimate on the first date and by the second or third date close the deal. However in Thai dating culture, mainstream Thai women are conservative and the pace of dating is slow. You can expect the relationship-building phase with a mainstream Thai woman to be snail crawling slow.

Thai dating culture

For mainstream decent Thai women, you must take initiative and start showing interest in her before moving to the next step. Thai dating and relationships are very respectful because of family expectations. Respect for each other and respect for family is paramount to Thai society.

It is an absolute no-no to touch a Thai woman’s hair without her permission, or any other physical contact eg no leg touching, no breast groping and absolutely no tongue while kissing.

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Expat Dating Thai Girls Advice

Many foreign men have flocked to exotic Thailand to have a taste of dating paradise. However since most of them has never set foot on Thailand before, there are some tips to look out for when you want to date some Thai women.

There are many night scene places in Bangkok that cater to tourists and charges are expensive.  Patpong, Soi cowboy, Sukhumwit road are some of the famous tourist hotspots. You can look around at these places for an eye opening experience, however you should not let your guard down at all times.

  • do not be so gullible when touts approach you
  • always ask and know the price list when ordering

Know the difference between typical Thai girls and Thai women

There is a huge difference between a ‘typical Thai girl’ and ‘Thai women who date farangs’. Mainstream Thai women are very conservative when it comes to courtship. The term ‘Thai girls’ are used to describe prostitutes, bar girl or the freelancer that make their living in Thai discos, a-go-go bars and strip shows.

You do not go to these night scenes if you are looking for a long term relationship. You will never, ever find and date a mainstream Thai woman who are educated and affluent in these night scenes. Bar girls are only for short term fun, not marriage and players should bear it in mind and go in with their eyes wide open.

Why expat men are being duped

Many foreign men have been suckered into this quicksand. Rule #1: Never fall in love with a Thai bar girl. However with that being said, there are still many foreign men who thinks their Thai girlfriend is different from the rest.

Here is a typical story :
‘Joe’ went for a holiday in Thailand, discover a Thai girl who is special and different from the rest in a Thai disco, decided to take her out, discovered that both of them hit it off and developed a strong bond, Joe went back to his country and decide to continue this relationship with phone/email/sms . Sound familiar?

For some farang, it is difficult to resist temptation from a sexy Thai young woman in a fun, party like atmosphere. The happy-go-lucky attitude of the Thai girls who know how to flirt with lonely men.

Many foreign men has tumble down the path of no return and find themselves falling in love with the Thai lifestyle, the atmosphere and the first bar girl that smiles at him.

In a normal Thai relationship, a Thai woman would not introduce her boyfriend to the family until she is absolutely sure she would be marrying the guy.

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Dating Vietnamese Girls Advice

If you are going to date a Vietnamese girl online, it is better to understand the Vietnamese culture and values so that you can have a clearer picture before committing yourself in a serious relationship.

Vietnamese social values

When you marry a Vietnamese woman, you do not marry into her entire family. It is different from other Asian women such as Filipina women where you marry her whole family. When a Vietnamese woman get married to a Vietnamese man, she marry into his whole family. Obligations such as taking care of his elder parents as if it is her own are part of Vietnamese social values.

If you are highly educated and financially affluent, find a woman who has a similar education level as you so that she is able to take care of herself. Then you will not have to marry her whole family.

Vietnamese family culture

The most notable things are the importance of the family and respect for people who are older than you are. Family ties are strong in the Vietnamese culture. You have to know your place in a Vietnamese family; elder comes first eg when you are eating at a dinner, you have to wait for the elder to start eating before you can start.

One of the weak point is that Vietnamese people like to meddle in other people’s affairs unlike Western culture where people like to mind their own business.

Vietnamese girls marriage

There are many poor Vietnamese families who would want their pretty daughter to marry a foreigner if they think it will benefit them. Search deep and explore their motives before committing yourself. There are dozens of Vietnamese village ladies waiting to marry foreigners and Vietnamese bride tours are common in the villages.

Modern Vietnamese girls

Younger and modern Vietnamese girls are now more independant and open-minded especially those living in big cities such as Ho Chin Minh. Modern Vietnamese girls are not bound by restrictive iron rules or tradition like in the past anymore. A Vietnamese girl can decide to have sex with the one she love and trust, unlike traditional rules that she must stay virgin before marriage.

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